So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
