I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
