i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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