does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
