I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize