I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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