I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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