i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
