i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
