So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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