Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
