Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
