grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Did I show you my penis last night?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
