Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
