you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
BRING THE BAGELS
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
