She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
