You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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