You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
