so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
