mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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