That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
