so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
