sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
