I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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