I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
