i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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