You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
