It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
