You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is the high leading the old right now
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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