Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
