He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
