non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
