remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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