dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
