That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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