Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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