so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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