last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
