It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
