Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
