You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
