I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
