I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
