I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
she peed on how many people?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
