i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
