then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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