the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
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