1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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