so explain again why im purple
no
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
