are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
