yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
