Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
