How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
