I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
