I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
