I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
