Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My pussy is not your playground.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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