the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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