I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
