You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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