i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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