Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
