There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
