he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
