last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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