they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
