omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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