Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
