There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
