Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
