theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
