just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
