hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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