you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
