He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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