it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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