Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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