We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
