xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
