My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
