Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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