I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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